another 2020 read harder challenge update

It’s nearing the end of August and there’s 4 months left of 2020. I can’t even imagine what November is going to bring (my guess is an election scandal, voter suppression, military coup, you know, that kind of thing), and December will definitely be the worst holiday season in years. So I’m not going to focus on that. Instead, I’m going to focus on the fact that I’m two books from meeting my 2020 goal of reading 50 books. Excellent!

What’s not so excellent is that I almost definitely won’t be completing the Read Harder Challenge this year. Fucking bummer. Unfortunately, I burned out. I’ve got so much on with going back to school and Covid ruining our lives that I just don’t think there any chance in hell I’ll be able to complete it. I have 8 books left, which in the grand scheme of things isn’t that many. But one of those books is my 500 pager. No way, no can do. I also left until the end all my book choices that are harder to find. Normally this isn’t a problem, but I’m trying not to spend money (see: above Covid comment) and between food and school and COFFEE (ok, FINE, and my considerable skincare routine) I don’t have the kind of dollars to put towards hard-to-find, out-of-print books ATM. Add to this that I can’t find most of them at the library and I’m just too far from the realm of conceivably completing this damn challenge.

As much joy as this challenge has brought me the past four years, I just wonder if I’m a little tired of it. Part of my problem with reading for pleasure isn’t just not having the time; it’s not having the brain space to continue forcing myself to read things that I’ve only chosen to fit a category assigned to me. I want to read guilty pleasures. I want to read goddamn English mystery novels and not feel guilty about it. I want to read 17 graphic novels and not feel guilty about it. I want to read something Oprah put on her goddamn book list and not fucking feel guilty about it! THIS IS WHAT 2020 HAS DONE. I can’t even pretend that reading to expand my horizons and make me a better person is important to me at this point. I don’t want to be a better person right now. I want to be distracted, mentally distanced from everything. Literally everything.

I’m giving up. Waiving the white flag. Throwing in the towel. Going down in flames. And it feels great.

Burn. it. down.